Ten signs youre dating a narcissist

Below, I've listed all the symptoms and behaviors you should look for. Keep in mind that not all of these have to be present to make a determination of narcissism. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, which therapists use as a guide, a person needs to exhibit only 55 percent of the identified characteristics to be considered narcissistic.

5 Red Flags and Blind Spots in Dating a Narcissist

There is a definite hierarchy, with the narcissist at the top—which is the only place he feels safe. Narcissists have to be the best, the most right, and the most competent; do everything their way; own everything; and control everyone. Interestingly enough, narcissists can also get that superior feeling by being the worst; the most wrong; or the most ill, upset, or injured for a period of time. Narcissists need constant attention—even following you around the house, asking you to find things, or constantly saying something to grab your attention. Validation for a narcissist counts only if it comes from others.

You pour in positive, supportive words, and they just flow out the other end and are gone. Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually very insecure and fearful of not measuring up. Narcissists have an extremely high need for everything to be perfect.


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They believe they should be perfect, you should be perfect, events should happen exactly as expected, and life should play out precisely as they envision it. This is an excruciatingly impossible demand, which results in the narcissist feeling dissatisfied and miserable much of the time. The demand for perfection leads the narcissist to complain and be constantly dissatisfied. Since narcissists are continually disappointed with the imperfect way life unfolds, they want to do as much as possible to control it and mold it to their liking.

They want and demand to be in control, and their sense of entitlement makes it seem logical to them that they should be in control—of everything. They demand that you say and do exactly what they have in mind so they can reach their desired conclusion. You are a character in their internal play, not a real person with your own thoughts and feelings. Although narcissists want to be in control, they never want to be responsible for the results—unless, of course, everything goes exactly their way and their desired result occurs.

Sometimes that blame is generalized—all police, all bosses, all teachers, all Democrats, and so on.

10 Telling Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

At other times the narcissist picks a particular person or rule to blame—his mother, the judge, or laws that limit what he wants to do. Most often, however, the narcissist blames the one person who is the most emotionally close, most attached, loyal, and loving in his life—you. You are the safest person to blame, because you are least likely to leave or reject him. They are a lot like 2-year-olds. They believe that everything belongs to them, everyone thinks and feels the same as they do, and everyone wants the same things they do.

They are shocked and highly insulted to be told no. Narcissists have very little ability to empathize with others. They tend to be selfish and self-involved and are usually unable to understand what other people are feeling. Narcissists expect others to think and feel the same as they do and seldom give any thought to how others feel. They are also rarely apologetic, remorseful, or guilty.

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But narcissists are highly attuned to perceived threats, anger, and rejection from others. At the same time, they are nearly blind to the other feelings of the people around them. Many narcissists need instant gratification to be satisfied. However, narcissists do believe themselves to be starring in their own blockbuster lifetime movie. They need to keep the stakes of their life high in order to access admiration, triumph, and respect. If your date has been talking about their tragic life story a lot, take it with a grain of salt: No doubt your narcissist lover will have taken charge of everything from the date night to the Facebook official status to the casual road trip you wanted to plan.

This includes controlling their reputation as well, which is oftentimes more important to them than their relationships. In any situation, if someone says no, it means no. But what does a narcissist hear?

2. Exaggerated need for attention and validation

And they LOVE to take on challenges. Your narcissist considers themselves the exception to any and all rules.

Top 5 Signs You're Dating A Narcissist

Unsure of what this means? Think of it this way: If your partner oversteps your boundaries often, it might be time to let go. The Slut Walk is an idea that started in Canada, as a protest against the further victimisation of sexual abuse victims, by saying the victim deserved abuse because of what they were wearing, or the way they were behaving.

Most of the marchers were young women, many of them dressed in skimpy outfits. Ask yourself if you feel satisfied in your interactions with your partner: A relationship with this person will be painfully one-sided, not a two-way street. Narcissists are only interested in getting what they want and making the relationship work for them.

Hence, they need constant validation, appreciation, and recognition. They seek this by bragging about themselves and their accomplishments.

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10 Signs You’re Dating a Narcissist

They may even lie or exaggerate. People who brag are trying to convince themselves and you of their greatness. Narcissists put their needs first. They may manipulate you with flattery, belittling, or threats. Their lack empathy may show when planning a date. Listen to what your dates say about themselves and past relationships. Do they take responsibility or blame other people? Pay attention if they admit to serious shortcomings, commitment issues, infidelity, criminality, addiction, or abuse.


  1. 5 Red Flags and Blind Spots in Dating a Narcissist;
  2. 1. They’re charming — at first;
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  4. 10 Telling Signs You're Dating a Narcissist.
  5. Equally important, notice if you feel anxious or uncomfortable, pressured, controlled, ignored, or belittled. Learn about Dealing with a Narcissist. Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert on relationships and codependency. Lancer has counseled individuals and couples for 28 years and coaches internationally. Retrieved on January 16, , from https: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Oct Published on Psych Central.

    Find help or get online counseling now. Blind Spots When Dating a Narcissist There are unconscious explanations why you might attracted to a narcissist.